Try Not To Look Back
by QueenJay13
Summary: Country and Human names used. England and Antonio look back to when England was The Great British Empire.


**A/N So I figured I would just write this because I can hahah but It is a little dark in the beginning and everything Italisized is flashback. I did do a little research on the Spanish Armada not alot though just enough to do this little one-shot **

* * *

_Rain beat down on the ship's deck; the human personification of Spain, Antonio was looking at a sword blade that belonged to the persona of The British Empire, Arthur. _

_"We just wanted you to leave us alone." Antonio more informed then begged. No Antonio would never beg or plea to Arthur, he had too much pride and love for his country. _

_"Well, maybe you should've thought of that before." Arthur snarled. Antonio remembered a time when Arthur was more enjoyable to be around, back when he was England, not British Empire. Antonio could see the greed, anger, and pain cloud the Brit's eyes. Suddenly Arthur got a signal from one of his men telling him that they could go home now. Arthur sheathed his sword back into place at his belt, scratching Antonio's ear._

_"One day The British Empire will crumble and you'll be just England again, I look forward to that day." Antonio said covering his injured ear. He hadn't meant for those words to come out. It was just plain mean telling another county that you hope they fade, or an empire that they will be broken down. Although it was mean Antonio meant it, because being The British Empire changed Arthur; in a very bad way, the countries that would usually go and visit Arthur would now stray away afraid that they would be converted into a colony. Even France hadn't dared to go very near England, which is unusual. England arched his hand and slapped Spain before grabbing his shoulders and proceeding to shake him. This went on for a while before England punched Spain and began kicking his gut._

_"Take that back this instant!" Demanded Arthur in between his kicks. Antonio would never know but soft tears rolled down Arthur's check as he did this. _

_"Never." Antonio managed to choke out as he coughed up blood. _

* * *

**Antonio's P,O,V**

I bolted up in my bed at the horrible memory, cold sweat dripping down my body. I took deep breaths to try and calm myself, before I went in the hotel bathroom. I looked at my ear, still scared from that awful night. I trace my finger along it before my alarm went off, Sometimes these world meetings are just held at painful times. I grab my rosary and head out the door naming every ship that had sunk in my armada to each bead. As people started pouring in and the meeting finally started I tried my best not to glare at the Brit and grit my teeth. I know it necessarily his fault but still I direct my anger at England.

* * *

I will never forget five things: The day I destroyed Spain's Armada and possibly our friendship, the day America won his Independence, The first time Scotland beat me up, the first time and to be honest so far the last time France punched me, and The day after America won his Independence.

_I was at a pub, drowning my sorrows with a pint. It was the day after America's Independence. I remembering telling Whales what happened. Whales has always been the quiet listing and rather sensitive one. I stumbled out of the pub, I was so drunk I could hardly stand and ended up vomiting in a alley. After I was done vomiting, I wondered the alley ways of London, cursing Alfred as I went along. Suddenly I felt a a sharp pain in my abdomen. To my surprise it was France. I looked up confused and hurt. _

_"That was payback Mon Cher~" He said and walked away as I slumped against a brick building. I looked up at the night sky. I saw the Big Dipper It was the only consolation I cared to learned when me and Spain would lie under the stars. Maybe he was looking at the same stars as I was. I thought about his hurtful words that one day on his ship, how I hurt him how he hurt me. I sighed._

_"You were right Spain, I'm falling apart, maybe when I'm England again we can be just Arthur and Antonio again like we used to and you can show me more constellations." I said out loud into the nothingness. Being suddenly sober I picked up my pieces and tried to prepare for what was going to happen next. _

I cringe as that feeling of guilt pools up inside me when I wake up and again when I see Spain. I felt guilty because I hurt someone I at one time cared very dearly for, and I never got to apologize and that now he hates me and I don't see a way to fix it. I sigh and tap my pen against my notebook. I steal glances at Antonio, I can feel his death glare and hear his faint teeth grinding. I've always dreaded this day in the back of my mind, I dread it even more then the Fourth of July. These days just make me place myself lower then scum. I'm scum of scum of scum. I don't even have the heart to argue with the bloody frog and annoying American.

"What's wrong with England?" I can hear America whisper to France "Is he on his man period or something?"

"No, don't be stupid Alfred! It's just a bad day for Artie. Best to leave him alone." Francis whispers back. Sometimes I'm grateful to the frog for having a milligram of sense. Not like I'll admit it. I can't stand it! I miss the friendship that Antonio and me used to have! They call a lunch break. I'm going to make things right with him so we can go back to being Antonio and Arthur instead of Spain and England. I stride over to him.

"Can we talk, please?" I say to him. He glares at me.

"No, I don't think we have anything to talk about today." He spits and I knock him stealthy into an empty room and lock the door.

"We do. Please Spa- Antonio, just hear me out okay?" I plead.

"Fine make it quick!" I take a quick moment.

"Do you ever look back?" I ask softly.

"I try not to look back at when you beat me and were to big for your own good, and you couldn't just let be let be." He slightly explodes and I sigh.

"No further back. Remember when we would lie under the stars and you would point out stars or when we would lounge around in trees for hours just when you were Antonio and I was Just Arthur, do you remember?" I say trying to keep my voice calm.

"I never get that far back." He confesses "Whatever you need to say just say it already!" He yells.

"I'm sorry! I'm sorry I couldn't just let be, I'm sorry I disrupted you silver trade, I'm sorry for defeating your Armada, I'm sorry for raising my hand at you, and I'm sorry that I broke our friendship. I guess I didn't realized just how delicate it was. I'm a fool and I'm sorry. I regret everything, but you were right I did crumble and I'm England again and we can pick up the pieces and try to move on." I say pleading, in a different time I would've never been caught pleading to anyone.

"I was right The British Empire did crumble and you are England, but it's just England, meaning you and yourself." His words cut me like a sword. I gently rub my thumb over the scar I gave him so many years ago.

"I'm so sorry, I'm not that guy anymore and trust me I never wanted to. Please help me fix what I so foolishly broke." I say tears gathering behind my tear ducts.

"We can never go back, you didn't just broke our friendship but you lost my trust, we can only move forward and try not to look back." I could see tears in his eyes. He wanted this just as much as I wanted to although I can't blame him if I was in his shoes I would hate me to.

"Can we move forward together?" I ask almost childishly. Lunch is over and we are whisked away again to the meeting room and I'm left without an answer, but until I get one I will continue looking at the stars, continue picking up the pieces and trying not to look back.

**A/N This is kinda sad and deep but the idea that I kinda failed at was that England never wanted to be an empire but felt pressured to do something great to prove himself to Scotland and his other brothers, So this is kinda sad but I just want you to understand both parties are hurting. Also I don't know when I'm going to post the next chapter for Torn at The Seams Im having quiet a bit of trouble with it so hahah Peace!**


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